Even before we had children, my husband and I would talk about being strict parents who held their children to high standards. Definitely standards appropriate to their age and developmental levels, but higher behavior standards than what some in the world would hold their children. We had both worked in the schools and could see the effects of different levels of discipline and expectations.
Here are some verses that I'm turning to for strength and encouragement when I strive to be more consistent and immediate with my disciplining of our children.
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Deuteronomy 4:9 Only be careful and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 Love the LORD your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 11:18-21 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit, at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
James 5:19-20 My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Esther 1:22 ...every man should be ruler over his own household.
Proverbs 28:2 When a country is rebellious, it has many rulers, but a man of understanding and knowledge maintains order.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from home.
Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod or correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.
Proverbs 29:19 A servant cannot be corrected by mere words; though he understands, he will not respond.
Proverbs 10:4 Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.
James 5:8 You too, be patient and stand firm, for the Lord's coming is near.
Hebrews 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. The keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
1 Timothy 4:12 Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
2 Timothy 3:14-17 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Philippians 2:14-16 Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ's return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless.
- Discipline does not mean punishment, as many people think. It means training and instruction. (Prov. 22:6)
- I discipline my children because I love them, because I love and follow the Lord and want them to also. (Deut. 4:9, 6:5-9, 11:18-21)
- Many verses in the Bible refer to the rod of discipline (Prov. 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15), which appears to indicate being okay with spanking. I do believe spanking can be okay, if done appropriately, not out of anger or as abusive behavior. We rarely use it, though - and if we do it is more like a light swat to the bottom with our hand - but I do think it can have it's place. We typically use time-outs or removal of privileges or rewards.
- What I do as I raise my children should ultimately be for the Lord - not for myself, my children, my husband, or other people. (Colossians 3:17, 23-24)
- If we do not teach our children about God and discipline them in His ways, if they do not accept Him as their personal Lord and Savior and decide to have a relationship with Him, they will not receive the rewards of heaven and will suffer the second death. I do not want this for my children. I do not want to be a willing party to their death. (James 5:19-20, Prov. 19:18, Prov. 23:13-14)
- Our roles as parents is to rule with wisdom and understanding, so we can guide our children effectively in the right ways. (Esther 1:22, Prov. 28:2)
- There must be consequences for wrong behavior. Just saying "no" or "please stop that" or "we don't hit people," etc. will not motivate our children to respond. There has to be a suffering, albeit as small as removal from others while they sit in time-out for a couple minutes and the requirement to say "I'm sorry" to the affected party (parties), for them to appreciate and desire correct behavior. (Prov. 29:19)
- I have to stand firm and not waiver in my commitment to raise my children with godly correction and discipline. I can't be lazy with it and avoid discipline because it's "hard," "takes more effort," or "might cause conflict." If I stick to it and am not lazy in disciplining my children, it will pay off in the end. God can strengthen me to stand firm. (Prov. 10:4, James 5:8, Joshua 1:9, Galatians 6:9, Philippians 4:13, 2 Timothy 3:14-17)
-And a few things that I remind my children about: Hebrews 13:17, 1 Timothy 4:12, Philippians 2:14-16
When my husband and I discipline, we talk about what sin was committed and why we see the need to discipline. We talk about how God wants us to behave and why. I often refer to Bible verses during this time, too. Again, I'll put another plug here for the Remember Me application for Android phones. I'm sure the I-phone has similar alternatives, but I have 35 verses that I've memorized (or am actively working on right now) and it has really been helpful and a comfort to me to recall these throughout daily situations and conversations.
I pray that God will continue to direct my commitment as I train up my children for Him. I have felt that it was my life's purpose to train up children for Christ ever since I was in high school - whether they are my natural-born children or other children with whom I have contact.
I also pray for the readers of this post and the people with whom they may share the verses, etc. I pray that it may be an encouragement to all as we raise up a generation committed to God.
