Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Stubborn Child!

So, when you first read the title of this post, to which child did you think I was referring? Well, no matter which child you picked, you'd be wrong. The stubborn child is none other than me. Yes, me.

Two nights ago, something got said and, although it held some truth - a truth I've known and wanted to work on for a while, too - it still hurt. I felt misunderstood and unappreciated. That night, I tried to get control of my thoughts and turn to God with them. I prayed and asked Him to help me find a solution, but at the time, my mind seemed to be working overtime on the hurt side, feeling more and more hurt and unappreciated.

I decided to take an "I'll show them" kind of approach - which never works! It always ends up making it harder on myself than anyone else, and often they don't even notice! I was determined to do whatever I could to show my significance, to be appreciated, to not fit the mold into which I felt pressed. So, you know what happened?

It was an extremely rough day yesterday. My mind was all mixed up with sour thoughts and feelings. It affected the way I spoke to people. It affected the way I cared for myself (avoiding meals, work too hard without a break, take unnecessary and unsafe risks, etc.). My children noticed and responded differently to me, even though I think I managed to keep things nice enough and they still had a really good day. (They had baby praying mantises hatch that they got to watch, got school done quickly, and played in water outside).

So, back to me being the stubborn child. I've been in that place before, when my mind is attacked with lies, and the longer I allow them to be there, the larger and more destructive they become. I know how to combat them, but I rebelled. I refused. I stewed in my anger, hurt, and frustration. My prayers were affected. My praise was affected. My hearing my Father was affected. I actively refused to go when He called. Stubborn child!

Last night, when my mind had finally calmed and settled, I was able to look back and think about it more. Again, I could pinpoint and tell you times when God had actively sought me throughout the day, to instill His truth in my mind and redeem my thoughts, and I had turned away. It reminded me of a time two weeks ago when I saw a boy get angry. When a mother figure/teacher moved toward him to talk to him about it and draw him back into a right relationship with others, he said, "Leave me alone!" and did his best to move away. At times, he stomped his foot and balled his fist. His voice was tight and forceful. He actively refused the help. Last night it hit me that I was the stubborn child, resisting the help of my heavenly Father.

I've been in a Bible study about the armor of God, described in Ephesians 6. This week, we were studying the helmet of salvation, and how it is there to protect our minds. Not only can our salvation thwart attacks on our mind, but it can also work to redeem the negative thoughts and habits, making them new and in alignment with God. I knew that helmet was there for me to pick up and put on (which, by the way, is important about the helmet - you have to actively pick it up and put it on!), but I wouldn't.

I am in a better place now. I began to soften and accept God's help. I confessed my wrongdoings to the Lord last night. I apologized for turning away from Him and refusing Him. I asked for forgiveness. I know who I am in Christ. I am hopeful that I will be quicker to grab onto truth next time and refuse to allow the lies to take ahold like they did this time. Satan got a temporary foothold yesterday, but he has been kicked out and, with the Spirit's help, I will win the next battle!

I started writing down some verses to post to help me with the battle. Here are the ones I've found so far. As I wrote them for myself, I added my name or "I" as appropriate, to make it more personal for me.

[I] demolish arguments and every pretense that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and [I] take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.     2 Corinthians 10:5

[I will] not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but [will] be transformed by the renewing of [my] mind. Then [I] will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.     Romans 12:2

Finally, [Christa], whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - thing about such things.     Philippians 4:8

[Christa], be made new in the attitude of your mind; and put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore [I] must put off falsehood and speak truthfully..."In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.     Ephesians 4:23-27

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."     Lamentations 3:19-24

The LORD is good to [me when my] hope is in him, to [me when I seek] him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.     Lamentations 3:25-26     (Oh, how I need to quiet my mind so I can hear him and receive my sanctifying salvation and blessing!)


If you know other helpful verses, please share! I'd love to have those as part of my battle plan.

 When Satan attacks your mind with lies, fight back immediately! Don't allow him to get a foothold in your life. Hold to truth and reject the lies. Don't be a stubborn child; run to the Father.