Little Messages

I know I have a problem with worrying about what other people think of me. I can be very sensitive to what other people say. I can even be sensitive to what I perceive them to think, sometimes. I always knew it could possibly be a problem with my children, especially my daughter. My husband has known that also. She and I haven't been getting along the best the last couple of days. She says I'm always grumpy and shouting at her. I don't think that's true, but I still felt hurt about it and played the day's events over and over.

Yesterday, I felt angry about a specific event and felt like the cause of my anger was her. I didn't honestly believe she was the cause because she is only four and was behaving like a normal four-year-old would be expected to behave - but I still felt hurt. I remembered a recent portion of the Beth Moore study I'm currently doing about imagining yourself holding the issue out on your open hand, fingers laid open so you can't hold onto it anymore, and hand it over to God. I mentally tried to do this with my anger and I prayed for God to just take it. A few minutes later, my daughter came in and helped me change the sheets on the bed. It felt just like God had sent her in there as a way to help me get over the anger. Think of that! The very person that I felt angry with was the one who God used to help me work through it!

Today, I wasn't having any issue with my daughter, but I was thinking about how I needed to be stronger with my convictions and not so upset by what others think of me. I was driving home from grocery shopping. I noticed a dove sitting on the power line over an intersection. It caught my interest because it was a white dove. I realized there weren't any other birds around, either, just this one white dove. I don't remember every seeing white doves before (except in magic shows). The doves I usually see are mourning doves. Anyhow, it seemed significant to me. It was as if God was reminding me that He was with me.

This evening, I was putting my daughter to bed and she said she wanted to pray for us to have a better day tomorrow because I was really grumpy all day today and shouted at her a lot. She was at a pre-school program until 2:00 today and played outside until around 4:00. We went inside when my daughter had to go to the bathroom, and then we stayed inside when both children began crying when things didn't go their ways (i.e., arguing over who got to flush the toilet - really?!). I didn't even shout at them then. A repair guy came around 4:30 and stayed until at least 5:30. The kids ran around playing chase, wrestling, and hide-n-seek, painted with water on the back porch, and seemed to have great fun. I never shouted, only periodically reminding them to be careful and for my daughter to be careful pulling my son to the ground when they were wrestling. Point? I didn't shout. We made homemade pizzas for dinner. My son was pretty fussy because he didn't get a nap today, but I don't remember reacting in any way other than sighing and telling him that Mama wanted to eat, too, and he should feed himself. Anyhow, here I am trying to justify myself to myself and all of you. Not needed, is it? I lied down next to my daughter for the routine three songs at bedtime. I felt hurt. I prayed for help because, again, I knew I shouldn't be so strongly affected by the words of my young daughter. It was then that I noticed that the raised panels on her bedroom door form a perfect cross. In fact, every door in our house (except the back door) has the same raised panels that show the form of a cross. What a wonderful reminder it was that I need to keep my focus on Jesus and that He will help me through this area of my weakness.

A few times lately, I have gotten upset by what I perceived others thought about some other decisions I've made for me and my family. Yes, as I recall these times, I think they were all perceived and nothing directly spoken. My thoughts were along the lines of, "Fine. I'll just give up. I'll do things their way and everyone will be happier. I'll just go ahead and _____ instead. I'll be fine. It's not about me anyway." So, whenever I've thought this, I had a sickening feeling inside and felt like sobbing, like my whole being was grieving. If I went along with the thought process above, I believe I would be turning away from what God has currently revealed as His purpose and plan for my life. Just something as small as my thought process was grieving to the Holy Spirit in me.

I really want to be stronger. I want to not crumble so easily when disappointments come my way, or by what others think or what I perceive them to think.

Thank you, God, for your reminders that you are with me and at work in my life. I know that you care for and love me. What happens in my life matters to you.


Verses: Joshua 1:9, 2 Timothy 3:14-15, Colossians 3:23-24, Deuteronomy 4:9, Ezekiel 36:27, Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6, James 5:8, Isaiah 64:8, 2 Timothy 3:12, Galatians 6:9, Psalm 46:10, Colossians 3:17, 2 Corinthians 5:7, Romans 12:2, Jeremiah 29:11, Hebrews 11:1, Philippians 4:13, 1 Timothy 4:12, Romans 8:28, Proverbs 19:21, Romans 5:3-5, James 1:2-4, Matthew 10:29-31, Isaiah 40:31, 1 Peter 1:7, 1 John 4:4, Matthew 6:25-34, Deuteronomy 31:6 and 8, 2 Chronicles 19:11, Job 31:4, Job 33:14, Psalm 9:9-10, Psalm 18:1-2, Psalm 27:1-5, Psalm 33:13-15, Psalm 54:4