Always with Me

Recently, I have fought on the battlefield of my mind again, warring against the lies in my head telling me that I am no good and not worthy of people's love. I was able to hold onto the truth that my family loves me, but was fighting to see why they would. It was a rough few days. Through it all, however, God communicated in a number of different ways that He was always with me.

As I mentioned holding onto the fact that my family loves me, I was also able to hold onto the truth that God loves me, too. It was a truth that I could feel in the core of my being. At one point when it was really hard, I asked Him, "Lord, could I just be done?" it was as if I received a soft hug from the one who never left my side and a quiet, 

"No, my child." 

My family could tell I was struggling even if I wasn't verbalizing it, and they often told me "I love you." As much as I felt like I didn't want to hear that, it was exactly what I needed to hear over and over. I got hugs and cuddles, even (and especially) from the least cuddly family member.

During low moments, if we had music playing, the songs seemed to be communicating from God directly to me. He often uses music with me. I would just sit quietly and listen to the words, letting them do their work. (I'd usually share with you the specific songs, but I wasn't mentally in a place to write them down this time around.)

Another way I felt God's presence was through soap bubbles. Yes, soap bubbles! When washing dishes, I'll often puff the soap container, which causes it to release a few happy little bubbles. During my battle, I would puff the soap, and MANY bubbles would float up. Instead of floating off like they usually do, they floated right back in my face - every time! Okay Jesus, you got my attention that time. 

Once, a specific word triggered the war again. I left the room and knelt down, sobbing, with my head against a table. I said, "Jesus, I need you." I raised my head and saw on the table a figurine of Jesus praying, much in the same position I was at that moment. There - right there in my moment of need - was a reminder of Jesus, that He was with me at that moment - that He was (and is) always with me. He understands what I'm going through and He'll always be by my side, every time I fight the battle.

One day last week, I prayed for God to help me again. I prayed for Him to help me "fight the devil's schemes," to "take my stand," to "put on the full armor." I realized then that I had just prayed the Bible verse that I was teaching my niece that week (Ephesians 6:11). He knew that I, too, would need that specific verse last week.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, where the lies in your head continue to attack you, hold tightly to Jesus and keep fighting! Turn on some Christian music. Read your Bible. Seriously. Continue to draw closer and closer to God and He will draw close to you. No matter how you feel, you are not alone. You don't have to be. I know it's hard to reach out to someone, especially in those moments, but if you can, please find someone with whom you can talk. (More people fight these battles than you may realize.) Fight those lies with truth, and refuse to believe the lies anymore!

Hebrews 13:5b - "because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'"

Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

James 4:8a - "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."